Growing pains

We are halfway through 2015 and I have achieved a tremendous amount of personal growth already.

I have always been afraid to think about my wants, desires and dreams. I feared it would just disappoint me if they never materialized. This fear seemed alive – domineering, breathing down my neck, chasing after meโ€ฆ While others affirmed their desires, I hid in the background. For my fear of disappointment stood in the forefront, jubilant and intimidating –  a destructive force waiting to shove my dreams down my throat and I cowered from the abuse my subconscious subjected me to. So, I consider myself reckless (and brave) for saying that I want to travel; I want to be loved, I want to feel needed and looked after; I want to own a business; I want to be successful… I want I want I want

And I WILL.

I started to affirm little things like wanting to have a positive relationship with everyone around me, and four years later, my ex messages me – he apologized and wanted to be on good terms. We are friends and it makes me happy.

My current boyfriend, is not a boy at all, he is older. I was afraid to let people know, I feared judgment. I feared that people will think he is having a midlife crisis, and that I am a gold digger… until I realized that I have become a confident woman who fears no judgment. I am happy, loved and treated with dignity and respect.

I have wondered why interviewers love me, offer me jobs but it never works out in the end. It can be disheartening, I feared I am not good enough, but I have recently been told that I am a very enterprising individual and I am going to take the leap…

…into an abyss of dreams, hope, bravery.

2015, you have been a year of lessons, and there is 6 months left, I am excited to see what more is in store!

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