Smile b!tch 

I love the “New Years” feeling. Cynics will say that a new year will not change your life, and will usually not support New Years resolutions – because we make promises to ourselves and then get lazy or demotivated and we never achieve what we want to, and yet we do it year after year. 

Do we really want our lives to be a series of unaccomplished goals? Do we want to be reminded that we are fickle and unable to commit? 

Not me… looking from afar, I may come across as lazy. In my previous posts, I mentioned that I would be starting a business. Then life happened and I moved to another city to commence legal articles. I turned down a few projects and it looked like I was a failure. Truth is, I prioritized law and learning above the CSR business. I am glad I did. My legal journey in 2016 has been successful. I set goals but life happened and the goal post had changed, so I adapted and studied further while working my ass off, I worked hard and I focused on me as opposed to what others may think of me. Needless to say, I smashed those goals. 

New goals!! 

I love goals. What better way to get amped for the year ahead, than by setting goals to accomplish? And if something gets in your way (maybe your university also tells you that they’ve changed your course requirements and you can’t graduate until you’ve completed 9 more subjects) – you adapt, and you get on with it. Sulk, throw a tantrum and then focus. Struggles and hardships are character building. 

So… my 2017 resolutions are as follows; 

1. Smile more (in photos) – I look like a dork so I avoid smiling for photos 

2. Pass my board exams – 3 more to go! 

3. Drink 1-2L of water a day 

4. Start mountain biking regularly – fun way to get fit and explore 

5. Go to gym 3-4 times a week, before work if possible. 

6. Come home (to Durban) as often as I can 

7. Make time to connect with friends and family. 

Once established, I then break them up into monthly goals which makes it easier to track my progress. 
See smiles below, goal 1 – progress ✅ 

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Growing pains

We are halfway through 2015 and I have achieved a tremendous amount of personal growth already.

I have always been afraid to think about my wants, desires and dreams. I feared it would just disappoint me if they never materialized. This fear seemed alive – domineering, breathing down my neck, chasing after me… While others affirmed their desires, I hid in the background. For my fear of disappointment stood in the forefront, jubilant and intimidating –  a destructive force waiting to shove my dreams down my throat and I cowered from the abuse my subconscious subjected me to. So, I consider myself reckless (and brave) for saying that I want to travel; I want to be loved, I want to feel needed and looked after; I want to own a business; I want to be successful… I want I want I want

And I WILL.

I started to affirm little things like wanting to have a positive relationship with everyone around me, and four years later, my ex messages me – he apologized and wanted to be on good terms. We are friends and it makes me happy.

My current boyfriend, is not a boy at all, he is older. I was afraid to let people know, I feared judgment. I feared that people will think he is having a midlife crisis, and that I am a gold digger… until I realized that I have become a confident woman who fears no judgment. I am happy, loved and treated with dignity and respect.

I have wondered why interviewers love me, offer me jobs but it never works out in the end. It can be disheartening, I feared I am not good enough, but I have recently been told that I am a very enterprising individual and I am going to take the leap…

…into an abyss of dreams, hope, bravery.

2015, you have been a year of lessons, and there is 6 months left, I am excited to see what more is in store!

All aboard

Entrepreneurship – The only ship worth boarding.

Starting a business is easy, keeping it afloat is the difficult part – there are MILLIONS of things to do and ideas shoot out of me like a bullets from a pistol in the hands of a trigger happy fanatic who drank too much and who’s waving it around like he just doesn’t care (phew that’s a mouthful) my point- ideas are easy. You need the drive and the passion to follow it through. You need to be wholly invested in an idea and that is the hardest part.

I started a business in high-school, made a profit and closed shop. It was small, but that freedom of being financially independent (not having to ask for an advance on my allowance) stuck with me. Since then, I have always wanted to have something of my own – but I have never been so determined about this until recently, when the thought of having someone else dictate how many hours I should work and how to work felt suffocating. Of course, I do not mind working, I welcome it – it’s the best way to learn and improve skills, however, if there is one thing I value, it’s making my own decisions – and how I spend my time is a very important decision.

Distance learning has enabled me to study however and whenever I wanted to – in my pajamas; on the floor; day or night; before bed; on the beach… and so on. I crave a career that allows me this freedom, I would much rather invest 168 hours a week on my own business, than 45 hours a week on someone else’s. Wouldn’t you?

 

Bound by your thoughts

“Whether you think you can or you can’t – you’re right”

– Henry Ford

Have you ever felt trapped inside your head? Shackled by your doubts and insecurities? One moment you’re on the verge of doing something new or outside your comfort zone – whether it is getting started on a goal or spontaneously attempting a ride a wave, you feel motivated and your adrenalin is pumping – and the next moment you feel like you’re being smothered. A menacing laugh thunders into your ears and doubt pours hard. When the storm is over, the aftermath is infinitely worse, that voice you’re all too familiar with, vehemently chides you “give up now, you’re useless and you will fail” – that voice belongs to you. You are drowning in your own doubt.

Your mind can be your greatest ally, propelling you forward or it can be your worst nightmare – a hostage taker trapping you inside your own head. You do not have to be a believer of “the secret” phenomenon to know that if you believe you can’t do something – you will not be able to do it simply because you will not try. However, if you believe that you can do something, you will do it, sometimes not instantaneously – but you will work towards it.

When my best friend coerced me into joining the gym with her, I was uninterested and demotivated. Then, after a year I noticed gradual changes in my body and I was inspired to work harder and see bigger improvements. I was much stronger and confident but when I attempted to try something new, I froze. I hated the treadmill, I referred to it as the “dreadmill” and running had always been a challenge. So how on earth did I run 15km in the bush?

Running, and more specifically, trail running intimidated me, “you will not be able to keep up, you will fall and embarrass yourself, and you will finish last.” My dark passenger refused to let me try. But I did not succumb.

I bluffed.

I told myself, quite unconvincingly at first, that I can do it. I affirmed over and over again until I truly believed I could, so all I had to do was attempt it.

I did, and after a gruelling 5 minutes, wanted to quit. I bluffed again – just 5 more minutes. Every muscle in my legs awakened and they were pissed off with me, my legs burned. My chest ached and I fought for each breath but I succeeded, 2km first, then 5km and eventually 15km. It may seem like a small feat, but it was my biggest lesson. Your body can do whatever your mind says it can, so train your mind to be your ally.