Growing pains

We are halfway through 2015 and I have achieved a tremendous amount of personal growth already.

I have always been afraid to think about my wants, desires and dreams. I feared it would just disappoint me if they never materialized. This fear seemed alive – domineering, breathing down my neck, chasing after me… While others affirmed their desires, I hid in the background. For my fear of disappointment stood in the forefront, jubilant and intimidating –  a destructive force waiting to shove my dreams down my throat and I cowered from the abuse my subconscious subjected me to. So, I consider myself reckless (and brave) for saying that I want to travel; I want to be loved, I want to feel needed and looked after; I want to own a business; I want to be successful… I want I want I want

And I WILL.

I started to affirm little things like wanting to have a positive relationship with everyone around me, and four years later, my ex messages me – he apologized and wanted to be on good terms. We are friends and it makes me happy.

My current boyfriend, is not a boy at all, he is older. I was afraid to let people know, I feared judgment. I feared that people will think he is having a midlife crisis, and that I am a gold digger… until I realized that I have become a confident woman who fears no judgment. I am happy, loved and treated with dignity and respect.

I have wondered why interviewers love me, offer me jobs but it never works out in the end. It can be disheartening, I feared I am not good enough, but I have recently been told that I am a very enterprising individual and I am going to take the leap…

…into an abyss of dreams, hope, bravery.

2015, you have been a year of lessons, and there is 6 months left, I am excited to see what more is in store!

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3 thoughts on “Growing pains

  1. NEVER let the fear of judgment from others get in the way of your happiness! Your life is your own to live! I know it can be tricky and hard to navigate the world, when so many people love to pounce on the opportunity to squash another person just for being their own glorious self; however, just remember that those who “hate” on you and whatnot, are merely jealous of who you are and what you have. xoxox

    Liked by 1 person

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