I nose best! 

  

I’ve been really busy lately… But I thought it would be good to take time to write and reflect on my life, so this is an update on my self growth, self love & self acceptance. 

At one point, my nose seemed too big, and I hated taking photographs because I felt ugly! It’s a horrible feeling, but I don’t hate my jumbo nose anymore because there’s no point in hating what you can’t change (non-surgically) 😝 however, lucky for us girls, there’s contouring! So please comment/refer me to some great make up blogs. I’d appreciate it. 

Seriously though, I’m so happy with myself right now. I passed my exams well; I’m starting a business; I am with the man of my dreams (although, if you read previous posts you will understand that it’s complicated – BUT ITS STILL FEELS LIKE MAGIC); and I feel comfortable in my skin – genuinely comfortable for the first time. 

I love my skin tone, I like the way my nose sits on my face and the curve of my lip… And my tiger strips (stretch marks) add character & keep me humble 😝

My focus has shifted from changing myself, to improving myself. 
Side note – don’t you think that it’s pretty unfair that most men don’t have a problem with stretch marks and cellulite regardless of their weight or shape… Ever looked at your boyfriend’s bum and it’s flawless?  I mean YAY because he’s yours but OMG ENVY because we ladies have to marinade ourselves in bio oil and cellulite gels.  

Side side note – I just wanted to mention boyfriend and bums because mine’s got a nice one! Gosh how inappropriate I am 😉 

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Growing pains

We are halfway through 2015 and I have achieved a tremendous amount of personal growth already.

I have always been afraid to think about my wants, desires and dreams. I feared it would just disappoint me if they never materialized. This fear seemed alive – domineering, breathing down my neck, chasing after me… While others affirmed their desires, I hid in the background. For my fear of disappointment stood in the forefront, jubilant and intimidating –  a destructive force waiting to shove my dreams down my throat and I cowered from the abuse my subconscious subjected me to. So, I consider myself reckless (and brave) for saying that I want to travel; I want to be loved, I want to feel needed and looked after; I want to own a business; I want to be successful… I want I want I want

And I WILL.

I started to affirm little things like wanting to have a positive relationship with everyone around me, and four years later, my ex messages me – he apologized and wanted to be on good terms. We are friends and it makes me happy.

My current boyfriend, is not a boy at all, he is older. I was afraid to let people know, I feared judgment. I feared that people will think he is having a midlife crisis, and that I am a gold digger… until I realized that I have become a confident woman who fears no judgment. I am happy, loved and treated with dignity and respect.

I have wondered why interviewers love me, offer me jobs but it never works out in the end. It can be disheartening, I feared I am not good enough, but I have recently been told that I am a very enterprising individual and I am going to take the leap…

…into an abyss of dreams, hope, bravery.

2015, you have been a year of lessons, and there is 6 months left, I am excited to see what more is in store!

eeeeuw I sorta like it 

  
Copious amounts of makeup, fat asses and big egos. Why are we addicted to KUWTK?! 

There is no family more popular and more superficial than the Kardashians. KUWTK is the pudding that fucks up your healthy diet of news and national geographic. After an episode, I always think, I could have studied instead… And then I watch the next one. Sigh, I really don’t hate it, Kim K and her sisters have schooled me on fashion and makeup more than glamour magazines ever have. 

Hayani 

In December 2013, I met two guys. Their names are Atandwa Kani and Nathaniel Ramabulana. 

I knew they were talented actors, I watched how people gravitated towards them and couldn’t stop blushing when they spoke to the Atandwa and Nat. 

However, I have never watched much television, so I didn’t recognize them immediately, but Atandwa looked very familiar. Then I remembered – he played the role of young Mandela in the movie “Long Walk to Freedom.” Wow! And Nat, everything about him commands respect, the man is a powerhouse! 
After working with them, I hadn’t seen them but kept in touch. On Sunday, 10 May 2015 (almost two years later), I had the privilege to watch their performance of Hayani (which means “home” in Venda). 

I knew it would be entertaining because they are charming and full of life, when they walk into a room – bitch, you’ll notice them. Admittedly, I am a little embarrassed for not knowing what incredibly talented performers I had met. The story was beautiful, insightful and funny. Great acting coupled with a talented guitarist really set the seen for a spectacular afternoon. 

They skillfully switched between South African accents (and languages), danced, cried and shared their stories while engaging with the audience. We felt like we were an integral part of the story. Their stage presence and chemistry captivated me.

I have huge respect for Atandwa and Nat, they’re theatrical royalty!

Theatre is amazing, ever so often you witness something that moves you, and Hayani is an example. 


Chocolate whore

I skipped breakfast today, and by 11:00 I was craving a snack, more specifically, I wanted chocolate.

Eating chocolate feels like what I’d imagine sleeping with a prostitute feels like. When you’re craving (chocolate, sex or anything else really) you have a compulsion, a deep desire – a NEED and you want as much of it as you can get. Afterwards, you’re often taking a dip in a pool of regret because you’ve over indulged or feel grimy… and fat.

I usually have a few bites of anything indulgent, but having skipped breakfast (MAJOR TROUBLE, never ever skip breakfast) my moody, hungry belly was growling. I finished a “man size” lunch bar – glorious 16cm of chocolate, caramel and nuts.

Now, I feel fat, my teeth feel like they’re coated in chocolate cement – although I brushed my teeth (and flossed), and I am desperately gulping down 500ml of water to feel pure again before my guilty conscience drives me to gym.

K-Bomb

Allow me to introduce you to my friend, Kyle. He’s a handsome, well-mannered guy who works hard. Sometimes he turns to a bucket of chicken wings to help him deal with life’s stresses. He also has a great sense of humour and doesn’t mind this blog post.

Each week, I am bestowed with a voice note from Kyle, of what has annoyed him, it is not the usual whining, but the funniest string of swear words one can think of. He goes off like a loaded shotgun, and there is nothing that entertains me more.

His latest issue (which I have heard many times) regards KFC – the glorious fast food chain.  He loves them, the chicken is delicious and their crispy coats have consoled him during the tough times and celebrated his successes with him during the good times. He has tried to stay away but the separation anxiety overwhelmed him. Alas, he sacrificed his chiseled abs for them. That’s love.

The problem however, is always being asked if he would like to donate R2 to the their CSI initiative to aid homeless kids. Kyle thinks that is a load of crap, KFC should use a % of their profits to make a substantial donation, and not take his money especially since he has already bought all the fried chicken he can fit onto the backseat of his car, he has made a worthy contribution to the survival of the franchise and now they want MORE? How dare they?! Greedy bastards.

Now throw in queues, road rage and snobby staff and we have the K-Bomb.

Fuckthemfuckthatfuckfuckfuckitfoolsfuckingidiots

don’t look!

Gym change rooms are home to some of the best (and worst) cringe-worthy moments. I have had countless! From making eye contact with a woman who’s wiping her crotch dry to sitting in the steam room with a woman who thought it was a good idea to bring shower gel in – FOAM EVERYWHERE. OMG.

And then there are the naked bodies. Have you ever bumped into a person on your way out of the shower? Have you felt their cold wet body brush against you for the longest, most awkward moment ever? I have, because some women just like hanging out with the business hanging all over the place.

I have always been shy about prancing around the change room in the buff. I cover my body with a towel and somehow manage to get dressed with a towel around me, clumsily moving my hips to the left and to the right to allow my underwear up (it would have taken a split second if I had dropped the towel and pulled up my underwear).

Another problem is, my body is never completely dry – I hastily put on a dress making sure no one steals a glimpse at my breasts because OMG I will die if someone has to peek only to realize my back or arms are still wet after a shower.

Many have witnessed my ungraceful attempts of getting dressed, and I don’t blame them, it certainly invites a few stares. I know that I look foolish trying to hide my jewels. 

Today, I decided that it was enough, I decided not to haphazardly dress myself or worry about other women seeing my bum. If they do, 10 points to them!

I have realized that when naked, women don’t want to make eye contact with strangers, THEY look down, I’ve always looked down, never wanting to make eye contact while I took my clothes off. Awkies 

So today, I made my bare-bum debut and it was liberating. Some looked and didn’t bother, others were horrified and didn’t know where to look. They will probably blog about the girl who threw her towel on the floor and walked around with her ass on display (a hyperbole of course, I did not throw my towel on the floor).