Mind over matter 

Menstruational cramps are crippling, I was lounging around lifelessly all afternoon – day 1 is always the worst, it felt like my uterus weighed 10kg and was pulling me down, draining me at the same time. Not fun. 
I was almost in tears, cradling my phone while in a foetal position, but I jokingly made a silly remark to my boyfriend telling him what will make me feel better, I felt really bad that I was being whiny (but at this time of the month it’s so easy to feed off the sympathy of others) so I tried to amuse him. Anyway, I laughed at the ridiculous images I summoned to my mind.. And a few seconds later there I was, no cramps, no discomfort – none at all. This is the such an odd example but this mind over matter 💩 is legit. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and my mood changed, and so did my body.

What’s the secret? … Definitely not the book (in my opinion).
I read The Secret, and I hated it. Don’t ask me why, but something about it wasn’t authentic and there was unnecessary hype around it. However, I did read a very similar book which I think is fantastic. It’s titled “The Power of your Subconscious Mind” by Dr Joseph Murphy. There are references to God, but you don’t need to be religious to appreciate this book. It’s promotes positive thinking – which is why I enjoyed it, and I told myself that it’s a happy coincidence if positive thinking leads to having my desires fulfilled. 

Well, I thought myself better and that’s a good start for me. The mind is powerful. If you think you’re feeling horrible then you will feel horrible. Sometimes when I’m nervous, I pretend to be confident and I often forget that I’m not pretending anymore. 
  

Advertisements

Happy-love glow 

Over the last two days, I’ve had a few guys who have suddenly taken a liking to me, these are guys who I have known for a while – and I’ve even had a crush on one of them, obviously he hadn’t seen me in that romantic light that I had envisioned. He was my flame for a moment, but he never bothered to sweep me off my feet. And suddenly, he sees me! Yay!! Right? 

But I have a boyfriend – and I love this man – so much that I don’t even care that my previous crush wants me, I don’t even have a secret sense of satisfaction, I’m completely indifferent.

  

 Have you ever noticed that nobody wants you when you’re single but everyone wants you when you’re in a relationship? It is true, people are attracted to the happy-love glow you’re exuding. 

Do NOT fall for the people who suddenly want you, they’re attracted to your happiness and confidence that you have because your significant other loves you so well. You know, it’s true about confidence being sexy and that a happy face is always a pretty face. 

Don’t give in to someone else’s fleeting desire when you’ve struck gold. You’re already sitting with the jackpot, why gamble? 

I don’t know about you, but I would rather be wanted and desired by one man who genuinely loves me, than masses of men who are turned on by my happy-love glow until they gravitate towards someone else’s glow. 

Jealousea

I’m sinking. 

I don’t know how else to describe this feeling – a chilling, sinking feeling that starts in my belly and washes over my entire body – like diarrhoea, not a pleasant summer shower.

I am jealous yet I have nothing to be jealous about – rationally and logically I know this. But instinctively, I become very jealous – and I don’t push the feeling out of my mind; instead, I cradle it. I nurture it until it’s strong enough to destroy me…. Only kidding. I am able to let it go easily and it certainly does feel like a weight off my shoulders. I do this by taking step outside myself to think rationally, then it’s crystal clear that there’s no reason for the green monster. 

What bothers me is that I go there in the first place. 

I often wonder if these moments of jealousy are worth it; it stems from loving someone obsessively. Of course it is… I reminds us not to take what we have for granted and forces us to find our inner strength and confidence or else we will drown. We’ve got to learn how to swim through turbulent jealouseas.   

It’s not fun but it is normal. Excessive jealously leads to irrationality. Just remember to always take a step back and think logically. 
Another useful thing to remember is that unless you’re crying or dancing, never to do anything when you’re emotionally charged. So if you’re angry, hurt, jealous, euphoric, etc – do not make promises or threats. 

I nose best! 

  

I’ve been really busy lately… But I thought it would be good to take time to write and reflect on my life, so this is an update on my self growth, self love & self acceptance. 

At one point, my nose seemed too big, and I hated taking photographs because I felt ugly! It’s a horrible feeling, but I don’t hate my jumbo nose anymore because there’s no point in hating what you can’t change (non-surgically) 😝 however, lucky for us girls, there’s contouring! So please comment/refer me to some great make up blogs. I’d appreciate it. 

Seriously though, I’m so happy with myself right now. I passed my exams well; I’m starting a business; I am with the man of my dreams (although, if you read previous posts you will understand that it’s complicated – BUT ITS STILL FEELS LIKE MAGIC); and I feel comfortable in my skin – genuinely comfortable for the first time. 

I love my skin tone, I like the way my nose sits on my face and the curve of my lip… And my tiger strips (stretch marks) add character & keep me humble 😝

My focus has shifted from changing myself, to improving myself. 
Side note – don’t you think that it’s pretty unfair that most men don’t have a problem with stretch marks and cellulite regardless of their weight or shape… Ever looked at your boyfriend’s bum and it’s flawless?  I mean YAY because he’s yours but OMG ENVY because we ladies have to marinade ourselves in bio oil and cellulite gels.  

Side side note – I just wanted to mention boyfriend and bums because mine’s got a nice one! Gosh how inappropriate I am 😉 

White is right

… If you’re rice, maybe

Joelle Kayembe, South African model – she’s dark-skinned and unbelievably gorgeous!

Why do dark skinned women feel less attractive than light skinned women? Why do we spend so much money on lightening and bleaching products? 

… Well not me, I’d rather treat myself to a spa day. 

I’m an Indian woman, and while I’m not the darkest person, I’m closer to black than I am to white. And it gets “worse” –  when I spend time in the sun… I begin to look like a shadow.

 

 

Me, on a normal day – no crazy sun tan yet but so brown!

 

 

And guess what – I have no problem with that. With so many body issues, it’s liberating to feel comfortable in my skin.

I’ve grown up around people who wished they were lighter in complexion, and those who were lighter never wanted to venture out in the sun. Were they afraid that their lightness would disappear forever?

The Indian community can be really superficial (even mean) regarding skin colour, the guys want to date the light skinned girls, and both male and females dub dark skinned people as less attractive. Often you’ll hear people say “she’s so beautiful and fair”

Or “she’s pretty but she’s dark”

Honestly, when my skin looks really dark after sun exposure, I don’t feel attractive because I’m not used to seeing myself like that, however I get over that quickly when neon colors pop off my skin and it looks amazing. Just look…

Neon looks great on tan and dark skin tones.

 

Instead of using filters to lighten and brighten my skin in photos, I use them to make myself a shade darker. Because who cares? F.U society.

There is nothing sexier than confidence, and while we’re all insecure about our bodies (no matter how gorgeous we are), we can change and improve certain things – work on our fitness to get a leaner body; squat for a perkier bum; change the colour of our hair; trim and shape our monster eyebrows… There’s so much to deal with so why must we now worry about our skin colour too? It can be altered, but at what cost? Sensitive skin that can be easily damaged does not appeal to me, no matter how fair it is. I just want to have clean, clear skin with no pimples.

Obviously light skinned women are beautiful, and I’m not trying to slam lighter skinned individuals. I just want to emphasize that being dark skinned does not make you any less attractive. Enjoy your shade. 

Global Mentoring Walk





I was fortunate to have been selected as a Mentee for this year’s Mentoring Walk in Johannesburg – it is a global initiative where young aspirant women leaders are paired with a successful, well established female leaders and business women. Over 70 cities from over 50 countries participated, so it is a pretty big deal!

Mentorship is an empowering tool and it equips a person (mentee) with sound advice, guidance, and support in order for them to progress in their personal and professional life. However, approaching someone to be your mentor can be intimidating.

When you remove the expensive clothes and the fancy office, the invisible barriers fall away and this allows you to interact with these incredible women in a way that does not make you feel less than they are, suddenly, you are face-to-face with a regular human being.

Being International Women’s Day, the walk on 8th March was nothing short of special and inspiring. There were women from around the globe present with equally impressive stories. I met VP’s of large corporates, founders of NGOs and entrepreneurs – ladies from different walks of life who are products of a broad range of circumstances (some were retrenched, others were victims of traumatic events, some had no money to pay for their education and others who were born into wealth) but there was one common thread – ambition and drive. These women are no strangers to hardwork and sacrifice. The wealth of knowledge in that room was infinite, and I walked out feeling like a million bucks. My mentor, Irisha Luhanga, the founder of Redefine Human Capital, has a remarkable depth to her and she has sparked my entrepreneurial desire. Cultivating healthy relationships is very important and everybody has something to offer. Thank you to the Passionate Professional for the opportunity to be a part of a network of incredible women!

 

(not)child’s play

I am extremely delighted to hear that Malawi has banned child marriages, or more specifically, girl-child marriages. Malawi has one of the highest rates of child marriages in the world – forget playing with friends and going to school, girl-wives must accept a lifetime of submission to look after the household and their husbands.

When you hear the words “child marriage” you know it is a problem but it may not seem like a life threatening problem in comparison to “poverty” or “violence” because the term marriage is cloaked with love and respect and a lifelong unity, so how is that a bad thing? Firstly, poverty is one of the primary reasons girls are married – their families cannot afford to look after them, and secondly, abuse within marriage is rife.

Child marriages destroy a girl’s childhood, it propels them into womanhood at a meteoric speed, yet denies them an education or any chance of financial independence. When I was 11 years old, I had barely understood what changes my body was going through and what that meant, I cannot imagine being married and having children at that age. Thousands of girls don’t need to imagine what that is like, they live the reality – from as early as 9 years old. It is a reality that is much darker than playing house, these young girls are sent to sexual initiation camps to “cleanse” them of their youth where they are forced to have sex with an older man. It pains me to think of the trauma this causes, however, it does not stop there. Once married, girls are often subjected to abuse by their husbands (who are grown men) – emotionally, sexually, physically and verbally. It infringes on their right to dignity, among other fundamental rights.

I read an article by an attorney who wrote that, after seeing the “women” in Malawi with their babies and husbands, she turned to the law, hoping that it would protect children. To summarize, she found out that the Constitution of Malawi did not prohibit child marriages, and children were classified as anyone under that age of 16 years old. Our South African Constitution is, in my opinion, one of the best on the continent. It explicitly states and protects ALL our fundamental rights and unlike, Malawi, is not in conflict with the international standards of the definition of childhood. So, reading that, I felt hopeful that if we are so progressive with our legislation, it will not be long until other African countries follow.

And follow they did – February 2015: the Marriage, Divorce & Family Relations Bill of 2015 was promulgated. This bill prohibits the marriage of children under the age of 18 years old. Obviously, implementation is key but I am incredibly optimistic now that it is legally enforceable. We must commend the thousands of activists that led the campaign to abolish girl-child marriage.