Love the soul-sucker

We all know a person who is lazy, uninspiring and who sucks the joy out of life. This person is vile, and it wouldn’t be surprising if there is mucus flowing through their veins. 

Who wants to be around that? 

Sometimes, we cannot avoid these types of people. We can cut them out of our inner circles, but we can’t cut them out of our lives completely. Perhaps we go to the same gym, or country club, or work together, or go to the same school, or have mutual friends. 
So what can we do? 

We can learn not to hate them. In fact, embrace them for they are a reminder to aspire to more, be better and make a positive impact in society – or we’ll end up like them. 

Mind over matter 

Menstruational cramps are crippling, I was lounging around lifelessly all afternoon – day 1 is always the worst, it felt like my uterus weighed 10kg and was pulling me down, draining me at the same time. Not fun. 
I was almost in tears, cradling my phone while in a foetal position, but I jokingly made a silly remark to my boyfriend telling him what will make me feel better, I felt really bad that I was being whiny (but at this time of the month it’s so easy to feed off the sympathy of others) so I tried to amuse him. Anyway, I laughed at the ridiculous images I summoned to my mind.. And a few seconds later there I was, no cramps, no discomfort – none at all. This is the such an odd example but this mind over matter 💩 is legit. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and my mood changed, and so did my body.

What’s the secret? … Definitely not the book (in my opinion).
I read The Secret, and I hated it. Don’t ask me why, but something about it wasn’t authentic and there was unnecessary hype around it. However, I did read a very similar book which I think is fantastic. It’s titled “The Power of your Subconscious Mind” by Dr Joseph Murphy. There are references to God, but you don’t need to be religious to appreciate this book. It’s promotes positive thinking – which is why I enjoyed it, and I told myself that it’s a happy coincidence if positive thinking leads to having my desires fulfilled. 

Well, I thought myself better and that’s a good start for me. The mind is powerful. If you think you’re feeling horrible then you will feel horrible. Sometimes when I’m nervous, I pretend to be confident and I often forget that I’m not pretending anymore. 
  

Chocolate whore

I skipped breakfast today, and by 11:00 I was craving a snack, more specifically, I wanted chocolate.

Eating chocolate feels like what I’d imagine sleeping with a prostitute feels like. When you’re craving (chocolate, sex or anything else really) you have a compulsion, a deep desire – a NEED and you want as much of it as you can get. Afterwards, you’re often taking a dip in a pool of regret because you’ve over indulged or feel grimy… and fat.

I usually have a few bites of anything indulgent, but having skipped breakfast (MAJOR TROUBLE, never ever skip breakfast) my moody, hungry belly was growling. I finished a “man size” lunch bar – glorious 16cm of chocolate, caramel and nuts.

Now, I feel fat, my teeth feel like they’re coated in chocolate cement – although I brushed my teeth (and flossed), and I am desperately gulping down 500ml of water to feel pure again before my guilty conscience drives me to gym.

don’t look!

Gym change rooms are home to some of the best (and worst) cringe-worthy moments. I have had countless! From making eye contact with a woman who’s wiping her crotch dry to sitting in the steam room with a woman who thought it was a good idea to bring shower gel in – FOAM EVERYWHERE. OMG.

And then there are the naked bodies. Have you ever bumped into a person on your way out of the shower? Have you felt their cold wet body brush against you for the longest, most awkward moment ever? I have, because some women just like hanging out with the business hanging all over the place.

I have always been shy about prancing around the change room in the buff. I cover my body with a towel and somehow manage to get dressed with a towel around me, clumsily moving my hips to the left and to the right to allow my underwear up (it would have taken a split second if I had dropped the towel and pulled up my underwear).

Another problem is, my body is never completely dry – I hastily put on a dress making sure no one steals a glimpse at my breasts because OMG I will die if someone has to peek only to realize my back or arms are still wet after a shower.

Many have witnessed my ungraceful attempts of getting dressed, and I don’t blame them, it certainly invites a few stares. I know that I look foolish trying to hide my jewels. 

Today, I decided that it was enough, I decided not to haphazardly dress myself or worry about other women seeing my bum. If they do, 10 points to them!

I have realized that when naked, women don’t want to make eye contact with strangers, THEY look down, I’ve always looked down, never wanting to make eye contact while I took my clothes off. Awkies 

So today, I made my bare-bum debut and it was liberating. Some looked and didn’t bother, others were horrified and didn’t know where to look. They will probably blog about the girl who threw her towel on the floor and walked around with her ass on display (a hyperbole of course, I did not throw my towel on the floor).

Easy lay only 6km away

04/02/2015 – My Tinder debut.

It’s all the rage… “what an AWESOME app to meet new people and make friends!!”

Meeting new people is great, there is a lot of diversity out there if we just take the time to look around, and I suppose, we feel safer behind our phones and PCs – rejection doesn’t pierce you like a dagger to the heart – so Tinder is a great app for that purpose.

This afternoon, I downloaded Tinder and eagerly browsed through all the guys (and girls) within an 80km radius. I was curious to see who is out there, what people are interested in and hoped someone would captivate me.

While I was not looking for love or a potential hook-up, by browsing through men an women, a few women misunderstood my interest – I simply “liked”any individual who, after reading their bio, seemed fascinating. After the confusion I had caused, I decided it was simpler to swipe right for the guys only. I was very pleased to see that there are MANY sporty and active guys around me, I love being surrounded by people with similar interests to me as much as I love learning new things.

A few clicks later…MATCH!! I was so excited – I may have felt unattractive and sloppy at that moment but somehow my photo managed to get me a match or 9… confidence booster!!

I very eagerly replied to a message, but the pleasantries were cut short with a “F*** me you’re hot. No… please do”

“Baby?” I am in town for one night only, would you like to have a drink?”

This was the case for 6 out of 9 matches, which made me wonder if condom sales are increasing as the popularity of Tinder increases. I think I will retire from Tinder and try the old school, face-to-face introductions.

“You can fart around me”

“Huh?” Ladies don’t fart…

Well we pretend that we don’t. That word is almost offensive and can only be interpreted as an accusation, it’s a horrific lashing to our womanly virtue.

If you have ever let one slip in public, you know that you can’t fully enjoy the satisfaction of releasing the gas – instead, you are clothed with shame and embarrassment. Man or woman, our farts do not smell like roses, in fact, they could probably obliterate rose bushes.

So, naturally, you can imagine my surprise when my new beau tells me I have flatulence freedom. This is, obviously, not a bad thing.

Thank you, Romeo!